I suck

I suck at follow through, ya'll.

I'm slowly working on my 30 before 30 list... SLOWLYYYYY

Annnnd, that 10 el bee challenge I signed myself up for? Eh, I havent been motivated. I have had SO. MANY. THINGS. going on. With my grandpa sick, and drama at work, and the boy being out of town twice in a month, and me being out of town the OTHER two weekends in that month, and schooooool.... omg school. Basically, I'm living on Monster and goldfish. Dinner of college students.

BUT! I did lose a pound. So there's that. If I were to actually like, commit, I might lose more. We shall see. I am the queen of excuses (clearly).

I DID something!

Previously, on Days of Our Lives the blog I posted about 30 things my crazy self wants to do before I turn 30 in August (check it: )

Well, i DID something! I made Numero 19 my bitch yesterday and built a headboard for our bed! It looks fabulous (photos to come soon, once I get it mounted) and I'm super proud that I did it all by myself! Yay! *pats back*

Ok, admit it, you're jealous of how much I rule.

I have an Ow.

This past saturday, I started workin' on my fitness, a la, Fergie, obs. I woke up before the boy and did some yoga and pilates. Then, somehow, I convinced him to join in on Sunday morning (accountability, ftw). For a first timer, he did pretty well.

Then, hardest of hard, I woke up early and dragged my ass to the living room and did some more this morning. MONDAY. Work day. Beginning of a payroll week. BUT! I did it! THREE days in a row! *high fives self* (<-- That really just looks like you are clapping high in the air, bee tee dubs)

The OW part comes in because HOLY SHIT I HAVE MUSCLES UNDER ALL THAT JIGGLE! And I can FEEL THEM BURNING! WAAAAHOOOOOO. (i'd started to think even my own muscles had given up and jumped the shark.)

So, I weighed in this morning, for the challenge and sent my numbers over to Erika. While i'm not going to talk numbers here, I think it's important to note that I am a mere 2 el bees shy of my "All Time High" weight.

I thought this morning about where I was at that weight and how, now, when my life is so much different, and BETTER, I have again gotten to that number. I have some soul searchin' to do, ya'll.

Anywhoozle, three days! Yahoo! Tomorrow? My core may need a rest, but I'm thinking I might do a light yoga instead of skipping. I have a feeling if I skip, I'll backslide, and that is NOT what i'm doing here, folks.

Who's with me? Are you working to shed some poundage too? Just get healthier? Tell me! Buddies are always welcome!

Peevery

I have a lot of pet peeves. Some are minor, others make me actually go bonkers.

Two have popped up in the last 24 hours (ok, more than that, but let's talk these two first)

The first: Your vs. You're. Yes, friends, they are TWO DIFFERENT WORDS and thus are NOT interchangeable. I ran across a link yesterday to a craft blog that had a really great idea in the linked post. But the TITLE of the blog had "your" when it clearly should have been "you're". So I didn't add it to my blogroll, because it would drive me crazy all the time.

The second: when Iphone owners brag about having an Iphone, and don't realize it. This is something I see on a LOT of blogs, but also on FB statuses of friends, and in general conversation. I mean, I really dont give a shit that you have an Iphone, a Blackberry, a Droid, or a god damn toaster for a phone, it's still JUST A CELL PHONE. It does not make you cooler, nicer, richer, or more likeable than me. It just makes you an iphone owner.

Oy. Vey.

Ok, i'm done. But I may revisit the "Pet Peevery" series again soon. :)

Oh yeah

This is me, motivating myself:

I joined the 10-pound Challenge hosted by Newlyweds on a Budget. Lose 10 pounds in 12 weeks, win $$$. Are you in?

The fraility of life

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
and never stops at all.

-Emily Dickinson

My mom texted me today. My grandfather's biopsy results are in and they aren't good. My grandpa is a 2 time cancer survivor already. A few months ago, his levels were slightly elevated, but they didnt find anything of note. Last month, three tumors were found, one in his esophagus, one in his bowel, and one on his lymph node in his neck. They did the biopsy on the one in his node, as it was the easiest to access. It's cancer again. This time, it is basically everywhere.

He spent all of christmas at our house and now, I realize that may be the last time I truly have with him.  He lives in Florida near my mom, while I am in Maryland. I feel so useless. Im so far away, and I don't have the means to get down there on a regular basis like I would like.

I'm scared of what all this means. I don't want him to die. I'm not ready. He promised me that he would be at my wedding. (please note, my boyfriend and I have no plans of marrying any time soon) I don't WANT this. I don't want him to hurt. I don't want him to have to deal with being poked and prodded and poisoned and nauseous all the time. I feel very small.

Hope feels like a dying bird in my hand. I know there really isn't much that can be done at this point, but wait. It feels so morbid, waiting for someone to give up on life. Waiting for his body to give out. Waiting. I just don't want to.

But, I have to. I have to be strong and solid and be ok. Its what he wants. But, I just cant.